Nutritional Masturbation

This is a term that I coined a couple of years ago. It is meant to reflect the consumption of veggie burgers and other fake meat-like products. This all started about eight years ago, when I became closely associated with a particular religious group. This group publicly promoted the avoidance of certain "unclean" animals while privately endorsing refraining from all meat products (There are reasons for both positions however this is not the focus of this blog).
Anyway, members of this group would invite me over to their homes at least a couple of times a week to introduce me to a healthier way of eating. After a while, I began to notice that they had a special food language and every one knew it. They would say "Wham" when they meant Ham and place garden in front of the word burger.

The veggie meat looked a lot like the real deal (just tasted like a bucket of salt). These people took pride in how closely they could make their meal favor the real thing. I quickly became assimilated into this culture and began popping my blood pressure medicine like they were M&Ms. This was the good life, or at least that was what I was told.
Then like Paul on the road to Damascus, I was enlightened. This happened during one of their church services when the pastor was warning us males against masturbation (It was actually a men's workshop and only men were invited because only men masturbate, right). He said and I quote "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not doing it physically, mentally you are." That was powerful....It was so powerful I had to repeat it "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not doing it physically, mentally you are," then I repeated it again "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not physically eating pork, when you bite into that veggie rib, you mentally are."

Cheddar's in huntsville

This week I decided to fight the long lines at Cheddar's in Huntsville, Alabama. I had driven by this establishment for a few months and had resisted the temptation of stopping however
this week the temptation had became too great for me. I could no longer control my curiousity and desire to see what the fuss was all about.

Upon entering the restaurant my host informed me that there would be a 30 minute wait. My guests and I considered this a set-back because we had not anticipated on spending over an hour for lunch. (We had to get back to work). While waiting, we noticed that the restaurant was well decorated with a theme that gave us a feeling of eloquence. After only 5 minutes into our wait, we were buzzed for our table and were quickly seated.

Cheddar’s has a full menu and the prices are extremely reasonable. We were pleasantly surprised at the prices. We were able to order both appetizers and an entrées for an average of $17.00 each and the
portion size was enough to supply me with a late night snack as well. It was well worth the long line and the wait…I give cheddar's of Huntsville thumbs up and would visit again.