My Review of the Sexy Ruben Sandwich at McAlisters

I can only name a couple of vertical moments in my existence that has given me memorable pleasures. I can remember learning to ride a bike, my first kiss and my first baptism. I have lived a long and full life, void of many regrets and vices. So I understand the power of Karma. With that said, there is one vice that has been hard for me to escape. That is the pleasure I get from eating a Ruben sandwich. The Ruben, in my opinion, is one of the Seven Wonders of the World; it is perfect in its favors which combine the old world with the new. This food is historic and when properly prepared can re-direct a bad day. I am aware of its power therefore; I go out of my way to limit my exposure to its influences. Today, I was caught off guard.

I misread my flight itinerary and arrived at the airport three hours early. Yes, it was an amateur mistake. Being early and hungry, I decided I would grab a bite and write a quick blog. So I approached the only restaurant located in the Huntsville International Airport. I stepped up to the counter and Kari (my voluptuous-sexually frustrated yet attentive cashier) looked down at my 10 oz orange juice and asked me “Is that, all you’re having today.” I smiled (signaling to her that I am one of the good guys) and said, “No, I will be having a Ruben sandwich as well.” As soon as the last syllable left my lips her generalized friendliness turned into a personal seductive look. The kind of look that said, I am an 80’s chick and in the words of Salt and Pepa “I wanna have yo baby”.  She knew I had ordered a sandwich that only a warrior would order. She knew from my order that I was getting ready to take a long journey, a journey I might not return from. Her body became numb and her lips nervously parted as she forced the words, “would you like chips or potato salad?” I paused, giving her heart a chance to catch up to her brain and then I slowly replied “I will have the potato salad”. I took my order and found a seat near the window.

Five minutes from eating one of the best Ruben and potato salad combos, I sheepishly looked at Kari and reminisced to a time, many lives ago, when she stood in the doorway of our 5 story New York apartment pleading with me not to go to war. The look she gave me when I ordered, told me that she knew who I was and although I was here today, mentally I was also here yesterday and the day before that. I learned many years ago, even when our fragile minds have lost the power to recall, our spirits will prevail. Her body remembered that 100 years ago she had begged me to stay and let someone else fight. She said, “You said the country needs you but, I need you, our three children need a father and not a damn war hero; let someone else save the world.” I am sure she also remembers the long pause and her statement of resolution. “I know you have to go but at least take the lunch, take this Ruben sandwich I made you”

So how was the sandwich at McAllisters today? It was good but I don’t know if it was worth it…

Nutritional Masturbation

This is a term that I coined a couple of years ago. It is meant to reflect the consumption of veggie burgers and other fake meat-like products. This all started about eight years ago, when I became closely associated with a particular religious group. This group publicly promoted the avoidance of certain "unclean" animals while privately endorsing refraining from all meat products (There are reasons for both positions however this is not the focus of this blog).
Anyway, members of this group would invite me over to their homes at least a couple of times a week to introduce me to a healthier way of eating. After a while, I began to notice that they had a special food language and every one knew it. They would say "Wham" when they meant Ham and place garden in front of the word burger.

The veggie meat looked a lot like the real deal (just tasted like a bucket of salt). These people took pride in how closely they could make their meal favor the real thing. I quickly became assimilated into this culture and began popping my blood pressure medicine like they were M&Ms. This was the good life, or at least that was what I was told.
Then like Paul on the road to Damascus, I was enlightened. This happened during one of their church services when the pastor was warning us males against masturbation (It was actually a men's workshop and only men were invited because only men masturbate, right). He said and I quote "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not doing it physically, mentally you are." That was powerful....It was so powerful I had to repeat it "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not doing it physically, mentally you are," then I repeated it again "If you masturbate you are still committing a sin because although you are not physically eating pork, when you bite into that veggie rib, you mentally are."

Cheddar's in huntsville

This week I decided to fight the long lines at Cheddar's in Huntsville, Alabama. I had driven by this establishment for a few months and had resisted the temptation of stopping however
this week the temptation had became too great for me. I could no longer control my curiousity and desire to see what the fuss was all about.

Upon entering the restaurant my host informed me that there would be a 30 minute wait. My guests and I considered this a set-back because we had not anticipated on spending over an hour for lunch. (We had to get back to work). While waiting, we noticed that the restaurant was well decorated with a theme that gave us a feeling of eloquence. After only 5 minutes into our wait, we were buzzed for our table and were quickly seated.

Cheddar’s has a full menu and the prices are extremely reasonable. We were pleasantly surprised at the prices. We were able to order both appetizers and an entrées for an average of $17.00 each and the
portion size was enough to supply me with a late night snack as well. It was well worth the long line and the wait…I give cheddar's of Huntsville thumbs up and would visit again.